Monday, July 25, 2022

Consistently Inconsistent

I had every intention of trying to write daily for my own mental health, as an escape or at the least to have an outlet to express myself.  Clearly even that I couldn't do.  I haven't worked out daily for the last nine months after having done so for the last 20 years.  I haven't taken my multivitamin (Athletic Greens- AG1, which I HIGHLY recommend if you can only afford one supplement) every night consistently for months after having done so for the past 20 years.  I am finding more and more things that I did daily for the past 20 years, I just stopped doing altogther.  

Paddy Pimblett is trending all over social media, not only for his victory on Saturday night in his UFC fight, but moreso for his post-victory speech about men's mental health.  Realizing men's mental health is stigmatized to a certain degree still today, it was encouraging to see a man given the platform use the time not to gloat but to normalize and encourage men to seek help when things are hard.  Every one is going through shit, I'm not unique, I know that.  It's clear that I am going through some mental health challenges.  I feel isolated and unable to talk to anyone.  My parents are two time zones away and have their own issues with my sisters to deal with so I don't need to create any additional stress in their lives, they're 83 and 74, respectively. My childhood and college friends are busy with their own families and their own lives and also hours away.  My wife hasn't paid a minute of attention to me other than on my birthday and father's day for the past ten years and I realize this is pretty common with marriages once you have kids.  I did therapy, I did the CBT with an LMFT.  I have paid for apps that I find remarkable and well worth the cost and all work when I make the effort to use them, Headspace, Intellect, Habit Tracker, Carbon, Endel, but even with investing the money to use these to make myself better, I still cannot do it consistently.  

I would be interested to hear how others are struggling with these same kinds of issues.  I know I am not alone.  I know others within my age group, I know men and women alike are going through something similar.  If you are reading this, I would love to know how you deal with these types of struggles.  How are you trying to work through it every day?  What tools do you use to help yourself?  

As an addict, I quit drinking and smoking by focusing on what I could control one day at a time and I recognize the same thing applies herebut fuck I can't seem to stay on track with this.  if you're struggling, feel free to write, maybe it can help you too.  

MLC

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