Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Depression, Weight Gain, TRT

Continuing the theme from before,  I tried to workout this morning and just couldn't do it. I'm so fucking sick and tired of my garage and not having the tools I need to get this release. Granted I'm hopefully a month away from moving and will buy a rack, barbell and enough weight to get back to normal so I shouldn't complain too much but it's really depressing. I've lost all interest in everything. Wellbutrin doesn't even help. Thankfully I have an appointment with the psychiatrist to address my concerns. 

I'm really well aware of my body dysmorphia so my thoughts here are simple. My lack of interest in working out stems from not having any weight to push and the subsequent weight gain and softness further compounds the depression. So,  in lieu of an antidepressant, why not prescribe testosterone replacement therapy? I'm pretty sure it's going to solve my biggest issue because I'll see results from body weight exercises and bands. Then I'll be motivated to get up. And yes, I've tried cognitive behavioral therapy to address the underlying issues and that shit ain't gonna work. I'm a fucking addict. Drugs, alcohol, vanity, sex, whatever it may be, I'm all in and only chemicals have been successful in helping me address these issues. 

I've spent so much money on dietary supplements hoping something would work and some are effective, undoubtedly. Creatine Monodyhydrate, Branch Chained Amino Acids,  Glutamine, multivitamins, zinc magnesium, they've all helped me but without having the ability to lift it's just not worth the money. I love Evlution Nutrition products,  I subscribe and save on Amazon on all of these but I'm confident TRT would solve this. 

I changed my alarm to make it more difficult to dismiss it. I really like Sleep for Android because it compels you to do something to stop the alarm like a math problem, take a selfie smiling, scan a barcode . . .selfie smiling is most effective because you have to turn the light on and then you're typically awake. Hopefully tomorrow my fat ass can get out of bed and try to do something active. On a positive note,  all this extra sleep I'm getting, I'm killing it on my recovery scores with Whoop. If you don't know what Whoop is, I highly recommend to anyone seriously monitoring their fitness, sleep habits and recovery. Get a free WHOOP strap and your first month free when you join with my link: https://join.whoop.com/#/E3FA17

Tomorrow's another first day to begin anew. 

 

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